Take Me Back (Back in the Day)

Sometimes I just sit & think of how things used to be back in the day. I didn’t have much as a child, but I definitely had what I needed. Never did I feel inferior because I lived in an urbanized environment, didn’t have everything the other kids had etc. Actually, I probably had more than the other kids in my neighborhood. I was content with living in a house with 10 other people (I have a HUGE family), playing in the fire hydrant for fun, stealing penny candy from the corner store just to see if I could get away with it, playing gin rummy with my grandmother and her girlfriends and being their entertainment. The best times of my life were in the ‘80’s. I remember not being able to ride my bike past the alley b/c my grandmother had to make sure she could keep her eye on me. I was never allowed to leave my front stoop, so I sat out there like I was being paid by the metropolitan police department to keep an eye on the hood just because the “big kids” got to be outside. Observing the drug deals, crack heads and daily fights (YES people actually fought back in the day). Shit, I remember getting teased by the other girls on the block because I wore a uniform to school. One day one of the girls stepped to me and embarrassed the shit out of me in front of what seemed like the ENTIRE neighborhood. I went home crying to my grandmother and she sent me back outside to whoop that girl & the ringleaders asses & told me I couldn’t come back in the house until I did. Thanks for that Grandma. I remember getting my ass whooped EVERY weekend by my mom because of what she called my “smart ass mouth.” I can admit I gave my mother & grandmother hell growing up, but hey look at me now. I hated getting up with grandma on Saturday mornings to go to the farmers market, but loved helping her cook. I cherished our Sunday dinners that would give Soul Food a run for their money. I remember when Kool-Aid was the standard drink and of course Red was the flavor of choice. LOL I remember receiving my first name-plated ring… I thought I was the shit, buying jewelry from the corner store for $2.99… still thinking I was the shit. Do these basics even exist anymore… Dial Gold soap, Shower to Shower powder, AJAX, Colgate toothpaste (the original), Windex & Palmolive dish detergent…. These were the bare necessities. My first “skating rink” was in the basement. I would roll for hours at a time perfecting my skills. I remember begging for new shoes when mine were dirty & run down, but being forced to put white shoe polish on them to make them look new, hoping the other kids wouldn’t notice so I wouldn’t get teased. Take me back to the days of clear Pepsi, candy rings, bracelets & necklaces, ice cream trucks that sold any & everything you could possibly need, homemade hamburgers on white bread, $0.50 blunts, mood rings, herringbone chains, 4- fingered rings & bamboo earrings, sour pickles hand picked from the jar wrapped in aluminum foil. Take me back… back in the day!
**Back in tha day when I was young, I’m not a kid anymore- But sometimes I sit & wish I was a kid again** :)

Relationships, Friendships & Transition

I am a true believer that everyone comes into your life for a reason & season. Oftentimes, however we do not get the privilege of knowing the meaning behind someone’s existence in your life (or if we do, it’s after they’ve served their purpose & are no longer around). I have a tendency to conjure up my own meanings behind the relationships that I have (a habit I’m slowly letting go of). I’ve been blessed to have a diverse group of individuals around me in my lifetime that have truly helped me grow in many different ways. As I look at the circle of individuals I currently have in my life, a warm feeling comes over me. I know some people will last while others will either fade away or get cut off…although I intend to keep most around. There are a few individuals I wish I could cut off without having any ties to them and there are a few individuals that I hope I grow closer to as the years pass. There are even a few people I KNOW I shouldn’t be as close as I am to them, but they’re serving a purpose in my life. The old saying “Out of sight, out of mind” has been ringing in the back of my mind lately when it comes to relationships, but that doesn’t always hold true. I have a number of people who I only see once a year (at best), but it’s as if no time has passed once we’re together again. Now, going back to the same words of wisdom, how is it that those who I try to forget always seem to resurface? Or, how do I get so tied up in 1 emotion that I lose sight of what our relationship really means? I’m not sure if I am subconsciously preparing for a transition, but I am truly starting to value those whom I’ve let into my world (as I should). So, in preparation for this would-be-transition I ask:
God grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I can’t change, the COURAGE to change the things I can, and the WISDOM to know the difference.

Crown Royal

I woke up this morning feeling good. Not quite well rested, but I’m used to it. As I entered the shower, a certain someone began to cross my mind. I think of him often. Water hits flesh and thoughts become more evident. I not-knowingly began singing the lyrics of Jill Scott’s “Crown Royal.” Ironic, but the song holds truth.
So, if you happen to read this – this one is for you (You know who you are)!

Garden of Understanding

He said he thought we were connected somehow because no matter how much he tried he couldn’t pull himself away from me. He would often joke that I had cast a spell on him because he could smell my perfume and hear my voice when I’m not present. My smile was intoxicating to him; and he loved getting high because he’d go to the ends of the earth to please me. You see, from day one I had his heart. I cared for him, nurtured him like a mother nurtures her newborn. I tended to his every need before he could ever need anything at all. Washing his feet in water scented with oils from sandalwood; Cleansing his mind with detoxifying conversation that would leave him stimulated for days; Rubbing his back and mainframe eradicating any tension and stress the world may have caused him that day~ putting his body at ease; Making love through the night til the sun rose shining rays of pure bliss upon us; Encouraging him to excel beyond existing limitations and follow his dreams. He told me we were connected spiritually. That I was a product of him. That if he was a mustard seed, then I am the soil that nurtures it. I am his sustenance. The root and foundation of his being and without it he would wither away and destruct~ soul emptied. I showered him with tears so often that he’d drown in the puddles, mistaking it for the water he needed to survive… until he realized too much rain would make him destruct just the same. Although he couldn’t stand the heat, he vowed never to shun the sun cause he’d rather burn eternally than endure another rainy day.
And so, that seed began to grow. So much that others admired his bloom from miles away in awe of its’ vibrant colors; envious of the green leaves that surrounded it. Wondering how an empty abandoned garden could produce such beauty. What they didn’t know is that the soil was rich in vital nutrients. This soil was created especially for his garden. Even when the sun didn’t shine for days, leaving puddles of muddy waters and overturned leaves threatening growth; even when he planted seeds elsewhere the soil remained firm and strong continuing to provide him with the nourishment he needed to grow. Never turning her back on that tiny mustard seed she vowed to watch flourish.

Now, the colors don’t shine as bright as they used to. The flower doesn’t bloom in the spring like it used to. Instead he said he’d fallen victim to winter cause it’s never too hot and the rain doesn’t seem to fall as often. He re-budded himself in the winter garden with seeds that resembled him. As time passed he couldn’t understand why the others looked more exuberant than him, why they would bloom faster than him. What he didn’t know is that he wasn’t a winter bud. He was made for the heat- it kept him ambitious; he needed the rain- it made him humble. And although he could survive in the winter garden, he would never flourish. I see him sometimes when I pass the winter garden. Brown limp leaves, deteriorating color. I told him he was welcome back if he could endure the weather. He would drop his head in shame, and nod. I lifted his head high, looked him in his eyes and told him you are a product of me and me of you. I am your foundation, your soil. I won’t watch you wither away! He tore himself from the cold complacent garden, smiled and grabbed my hand. It was at that moment, for the first time, we had an understanding… and now I am at PEACE!

Recession & Sex

What effect has the recession had on your sex life?

It seems with less disposable income, your sex life may get better since more time is spent at home. Ironically enough, that is not the case with everyone. With the increasing worry about making ends meet and ensuring your family stays afloat, sex appeal, sexuality and the like are sometimes the last thought on one’s mind at the end of the day.

Making sure the bills are paid, everyone’s eating and no needs go unmet takes precedence over the libido. Unfortunately, this is a sad reality for many in these hard economic times. The good news is that this can be turned around easily. Because more time is being spent at home, we should take advantage of that. Take this time to try new tactics, explore you & your partner’s sexuality, simply test your limits (if you have any). EXPERIMENT. Be creative- innovative. Make the best of it!

So, I ask you…
What effect has the recession had on your sex life??

Untitled (Lust in Vain)

Void filled temporarily. Space occupied- no vacancies
Cold floor welcomes bent knees
Begging you to stay longer…. At least for the night so we can fall in lust all over again
Once
Twice
Selfish needs take precedence over reality
Caught in cliché thoughts of naughtiness you welcome- my heart’s double-pounding
Too scared of rejection
Intertwined energies from emotions unexpressed lead to passion filled days
We’re confusing time cause our love making can’t be measured by numbers
Rather by creativity
Lost in my own imagination we tour the world observing bodies of water overflowing on cherry peninsulas
Speaking in tongues not comprehended by man, but each other
Visiting the edge of the earth not looking back cause hindsight is 20/20
Tasting sweet debauchery with every breath taken
Trimmed trees & mountains become the backdrop of our journey
Caramel drips from green leaves- leaving us inspired to create manmade
Seas where our waters are never confined, but run freely
And although there are no witnesses it is documented in our photographic memory
Just the thought of you in me is a daydream concealed by a fulfilled fantasy
Once
Twice
Needing you to stay longer…. Just for today
Cold floor welcomes bent knees
My secret obsession
On my mind -you stay!




KiKi Capri, Taken from- The Chronicles of a Delectable Woman©2009

Daydreamin' in Color

Caramel dreams
Delectable things
Intangible but seen
Though liquids are clear
Vibrant hues are eminent, restless
Dancing to the beat of 1 note
Eyes closed
Visualizing that which is not evident to others
Starry nights
Charcoal skies
Elapsed time
Lights flicker
Not sure if the last grain of sand
Has fallen but sight remains on the hour (because time is of the essence)
A lot is seen through stained-glass
Although most believe it is hidden
Pink and blue
Cotton- candy covered thoughts bring pleasure to pain
24 carat gold voices echo through the walls
Vibrating
Pulsating
Invading the secret passage
Once
Twice
No thru entry
Awake



KiKi Capri, Taken from -The Chronicles of a Delectable Woman©2009